Friday, February 27, 2009


I just found this on post secret it hit home for me. I will not let this be me!
Not that I had an unhappy childhood. It was far from unhappy. I had loving parents a little brother and a happy house filled with pets. As a child I felt like I wasn't supposed to show emotion. I wouldn't let myself yell or show excitement, I wouldn't laugh out loud or even cry often. I was a shy and quiet kid and didn't draw attention to myself.
I was once in a commercial for a local furniture store as a kid. My entire 6th grade was in it. We had to run behind "Grandma" and yell and cheer like we were cheering her on. I remember feeling really stupid and running at the back of the group so I would blend in but not cheering or waving my arms like everyone else.
This feeling has followed me through my life. This little enternal voice says don't sing out loud, don't show excitement, don't dance, don't laugh too loud, make sure you blend in, you don't want to stand out from the crowd, don't smile or cry. You will look stupid and maybe you will get noticed.
I am now at a point in my life where I am tired of listening to that little voice. I am tired of caring what other people think of me. I smile all the time. I laugh as much as possible.
I don't want Tink to grow up with that little voice nagging at her. I think I am doing ok so far with making sure she is happy being who she is. She has a constant smile, a song on her lips at all times and dances whenever and wherever she sees fit. I love this about her. Last week before dance class she refused to wear her pink leotard, she said too many of the other girls wore pink and she didn't want to look like everyone else, she just wanted to look like herself.
Tink has no problems with knowing how to smile. I have also found my smile.


The Johnson 5 said...

Sometimes we find "our smiles" through our children.

My kids have given me more confidence than I have ever had.

I also am trying to not give my kids my baggage. And I feel like I'm doing a good job at it. I sometimes have to go back and explain things to them, so they know why mommy does certain things.

And they get it.

Were suppose to learn from each generation and do better than the one before us. As long as you feel that inside your heart, your on the right track!!

Fiauna said...

Just jumping over from blog stalkers. What a nice post. I'm glad you have found your smile. Have a nice day.