Jeff Foxworthy's commentary on West Virginia
If you consider it a sport to sit in a tree stand all day long with a bow or a gun just to put food in your freezer, you might live in West Virginia .
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Elkins is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in West Virginia .
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in West Virginia .
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in West Virginia .
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in West Virginia , ...cause you're all so damn friendly.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, cause he wears a hardhat you might live in West Virginia .
If you have worn shorts, sunglasses and a parka at the same time, you might live in West Virginia .
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, or if you are in church and your priest or minister asks you to pray for the MOUNTAINEERS, and wants to get you all home for 1 p.m. kickoff, you might live in West Virginia .
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in West Virginia .
You Know You Are A True West Virginian When:
'Vacation' means going up north past I-64 for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave all the doors unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a concrete statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
Down South to you means CHARLESTON , WV .
A critter is something you eat.
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his NEW FORD F150.
You go out to a fish fry every Friday and bingo every Wednesday.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
Someone in your family killed Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner.
You have at one time lived in or have at least 10 relatives that live in Ohio ..
You know that the smell around Easter is worth it because ramps are Yummy.
Brown beans, fried taters, ramps, and cornbread .....now that's fine dinning.
You wave to 99% of the cars you pass on the road.
You are sure that Autumn is a gift from God and this really is Almost Heaven.
You are aware of all 4 seasons: deer bow, deer gun, deer muzzleloader, and turkey.
Because your home isn't remote enough, you have a "camp" way up on a mountain somewhere.
You have a rifle in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use it.
When asked where you are from, you name your county.
You know that canning occurs in glass jars, not cans.
Yep, it's home sweet home!